Monday, May 7, 2012

I Love Unicorns And You Can't Stop Me!

So, I'm going to just put this out there: I love unicorns. If I had a tatoo....it would probably be something like this:
Complete with glitter.

I own and love a unicorn Pillow Pet®.

I call him Mr. Candyfloss.

I want to own these more than you know:


To wear together, of course.

Do my friends make lewd comments about horn envy? Yes.

Do people think it's crazy for a grown ass woman to like unicorns? Yes.

Do most people assume it's an ironic affectation? Yes.

But people, today I declare: I LOVE UNICORNS!

Unicorns bring back girly youth and all the sparkle and purple and Disney magic of it all. People, hold on to princesses and dinosaurs and wizards and unicorns. Why not? Who cares! Let them pry it from your glitter-covered fist!

Batman is riding a unicorn. I win.

UPDATE:

My cousin at sent me this, and it's too good not to include:


Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Space Puppets and Thongotards





My youngest brother and I were born so far apart (15 years) that we're basically in different generations. I was born in 1983 and he was born in 1998.

On a trip to Disney World last summer, we caught the re-released 80s classic "Captain EO." If you're not familiar, "Captain EO" is a 4-D movie executive produced by George Lucas, directed by Francis Ford Coppola and starring Michael Jackson. (That sentence was sooooooo 80s.)

MJ stars as the titular Captain who is the leader of a rag tag group of Space Muppets. They go to some dark planet and save it from an evil queen through the power of pop music and dancing...seriously.


Behold.

Needless to say, I found it to be fantastic and bought the t-shirt. My brother had a slightly different reaction, which I'll call something like confused horror.

"What was that?" asked he.
"That...was the 80s," I replied.

The 80s has garnered a reputation for being, in retrospect, ridiculous, and rightfully so. However, the fact that fashion and other elements (such as 'Captain EO') keep creeping back into our society.

And now a word on 80s fashion. That word...is thongotard.

As a youngling, my mother and I would often put on the VCR and do "Jane Fonda's New Workout." A classic of spandex, hair spray and parquet floors, this tape played a big part in my early exercise career. It probably explains my current love of Zumba.


This was my favorite part. To be honest, this kind of gives me flashback chills.


I, myself, owned a belted leotard with legwarmers before I had hair. There was always something about this video, though, that would leave young me in that state of confused horror.


Look closely.

Yes, the woman with the butch blond hair and the leopard leggings was sporting something that, when I caught a glimpse, baffled me. 80s workout culture spawned what remains as one of the most ridiculous, useless fashions ever to give someone a wedgie...the thongotard.

To wit:


The fact that you can still buy these at American Apparel is a testament to our undying love of the 80s.

I guess, in the end, what I'm saying is that while looking back we can chuckle at how ridiculous things were in another era, at the time they seemed perfectly normal and cool, except to the unfettered mind of a child. To quote the late Whitney (another 80s staple) "The children are our future." And maybe, just maybe, if we listen, they can help us be less ridiculous in our present.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Things My Parents Had Never Heard Of

Parents seem to live in this strange, funny world where they have a magic pop culture filter. These are things that my parents had never heard of until I mentioned/explained them:
  1. Hipsters
  2. Ryan Reynolds
  3. The song "Hey Ya"
  4. Twitter
  5. Tosh.0
  6. "The Book of Mormon"
  7. Louboutins
  8. "Arrested Development"
  9. Pajama Jeans
  10. Keyboard Cat
You get the idea. I wonder at what age the filter kicks in and if i can get mine early (except for Ryan Reynolds, of course).

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

The Unicorn Shoes

I'm going to coin a term right here to explain a glorious moment in my shopping career. That term is "Unicorn Shoes." Now when I say that, I'm not implying that they have a picture of a unicorn on them, nor are they made from real unicorns. I'm referring to a unicorn in the "Gone in 60 Seconds" sense.

To jog your memory:
Fred- What's a unicorn?
Donny - Fabled creature, you know the horse with the horn, impossible to capture. It's the one car no matter how many times you try to boost something always happens.

Let me begin at the beginning. It's 3 years ago. My friend Katie and I are at a shopping event. We happen across a table that has a pair of the greatest shoes I've ever seen sitting on it. They look like the shoes that Wonder Woman would wear on a date. They're fantastic. I have never wanted a pair of shoes like this so much in my life. Of course, I have ginormous monster feet, and there's no way they have them in my size. I ask the woman if they have them in an 11. She gives me a skeptical look, but then is shocked to find a pair in my size. I try them on. Magic. I must own them. How much are they? $250. *Record scratch*

Even then I waffled. I abhor paying that much for anything, but damn I wanted those shoes. I walked away. Surely I could find them cheaper online.

You know how this goes. Much like the infamous "Swift Heart Rabbit" incident of my youth, as soon as I went to search for them, they completely disappeared off the face of the earth. The Oh Deer Ginger Pumps are not to be had for any price in any size.

On top of that, the company's website disappeared, as apparently my desire for this shoe had driven it out of business. Folks, we have a Unicorn.

I don't exaggerate when I say that I have been periodically searching for these shoes ever since.

Well, guess what. This week, a miracle occurred. I don't know what possessed me to go to Ebay this week, but I did and I happened to run a search for the shoes.

There they were. Oh Deer Ginger Pumps Size 11. Worn once and she decided they made her too tall. Kids, I bought them for $28.75. Miracles happen.

And since I know you're dying to know what they look like, enjoy. I'll post a pic of me wearing them when they arrive. I may be too excited to sleep until they get here.



Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Friday, August 6, 2010

Motherf---ing Surprise Gospel Choirs!

If you know me really well, you know that there is one magical thing that I love more than anything in the world. That one thing is a surprise gospel choir.

An excellent example of this is the wedding scene in "Love Actually."

It includes instruments, but I will allow it in the awesome category.

One of the best concerts I ever went to was Michael Buble performing a The Fabulous Fox Theatre in Atlanta. For his encore, he sang "That's Life" with a full, suprise gospel choir. I was moved. Moved.

When I get married, I fully intend to end the ceremony with a surprise gospel choir. It will happen, people.

What gets me on this subject? That would be a recent ad for the upcoming season of professional football, of all things. There is a commercial that has been played recently in Atlanta. It fills me with almost as much joy as the Old Spice guy commercials.

What could possibly get near the pleasure of a handsome, suave, shirtless man trying to sell me men's body wash? Samuel. L. Jackson. AND (pause for effect) a gospel choir. Yes, folks, the coolest Motherf---ing dude in the history of film and a be-robed hoarde of joyful noise makers. I'm in heaven (where I'm sure there is an awesome gospel choir).


Wednesday, August 4, 2010

So, Apparently I Suck at Blogging

I have been so busy with my new job, I haven't been a very good blogger. Please accept my apology in the form of a meme.

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